Where I am now

I am thinking of buying a car or rather a pickup truck from this old couple I know, Mele and Bob. Its a 1992 Nissan diesel pickup truck. I was saying to my mother this morning that it was ironic that when I finally come across a vehicle that I am interested in my father, a master
mechanic if there was ever one, is no longer around for advise.

But I can't do that to myself, I can't think that way. I need to do what I need to do
the best way that I can, that is what my father would want us to do. I refuse to feel sorry for myself, damnit!

That settles it, I need to talk to my bank and see about getting myself a refinancing arrangement. I expect that having a car my have an interesting impact on my life.

I HAVE LOST MY FATHER

I am listening to Eric Clapton playing Mason William's "Classical Gas" as I am writing this.

I write this in the wake of my father's death. It is a shock to my system to loss him so suddenly. I think my mind is still trying to come to terms with the new reality of not having him around. But in some ways, who he was and what he was to me has become more vivid in my mind then ever before.

There certains truths that my father has taught me. It is important to be self sufficient and to have faith.

Damn! I'm going to learn how to play this piece of music, if it is the last thing that I do

I love you Dad!

I BELIEVE…

Words have great power. They have power move us in so many ways. They can move us to anger or to tears, to fear or to courage, to hatefulness or compassion, to war or to peace. In the course of my life I have used words to move from one point to another. To be honest I have used words to move other people from one point, opinion, thought, etc to another. We tend to underestimate the effect that words can have on us.

Take for example the simple words, ‘I believe…’ As a precursor to the right sentence it has an ability to move us from inaction or action or vice versa. Today those two words have settled on my mind, like a burning ember that will hopefully take light and turn into an inferno. I say hopefully because at times word magic, if I might use that term, losses it potency. Why? I am not sure. Perhaps because in time, the meaning we derive from it losses its luster. But then I think that there are powerfully words that continue to burn and sustain us through all our lives.

But back to my personal revelation, I do not consider myself a born again Christian. That is not to say that a person cannot change from being one kind into another. But I guess it goes back to what I said before about the power of words. Perhaps, words, in the form of descriptions we give our self, are like markers that designate an end of something and the beginning of another. Anyway, I was at the gym today and I began to ponder the words, ‘I believe’. I thought to myself how powerful those two words were. As they rolled off my tongue there seemed to be a natural shift in my mental perspective – a paradigm shift no less. Challenges became opportunities, desperation became hope and fear became faith.

I began to add those words to sentences and gauged my feelings.

“I believe in myself” I felt hopeful, confident.

“I believe I have God given abilities, natural gifts” Again I felt confident determined, even courageous.

Then I said. “I believe in Jesus Christ…” I paused. I felt a bit confused. Now you must understand that up to now, I never really took Jesus to heart. Mainly because I felt Christianity was hypocritical. I also have a natural aversion to what I see as “We are the only true religion” mentality. This is not to say that I did not believe in God either. In fact, I believe in God very much. It’s just that I have a problem with him having just one messenger. But as I was pondering this it felt as if Jesus was saying that it did not matter what vestige he wore whether it was Buddha, Vishnu, Osiris, that the basis of all things good was love, compassion and kindness. At that point I felt, I was on a buzz. So I took him to heart, literally, I envisioned him in my heart, giving me strength and hope.

I will end this here but I think there is more to say. Particularly about adjusting your sail or changing course.

NEW POSSIBILITIES ARISE

Great news! We will final get our loan that was approved several months ago. The delay has been due primarily to bureaucratic lethargy at the Ministry of Lands -- yep, 4 frigging months! But all the required paper work is now signed.

We plan to use the excess money from the loan to finance some projects. I was thinking that it might be a good idea to use it to create a investment fund. If we use to it then we have to pay it back with interest. That way, the fund can grow and we can reinvest it other things.

FRUSTRATION

Of late, I have been feeling very frustrated and put upon. I feel as if the progress that I have made thus far is slipping away although I know that this is an illusion created by a stressed mind.

I can point to certain instances in the past few days that are the source of my stress. Primarily it has do with money or rather lack thereof; too many needs, not enough resources.

The fact is I have made progress, I am moving forward. My weight has gone down. I got my first check from some outside work that I did -- yeah!. I feel healthy and strong. More and more opportunities seem to be opening up. I am doing the right thing and I need to hang on, pray and try my best.

I know that I am more then capable of dealing with this emotional ditch in the road.

So why do I let it happen? For the most part I think it is primarily out of habit or biological. The trick is to recognize it, name it and move on...Can I get an Amen? Amen!

But as I said previously, the changes I have begun are life changes. I can not stay where I am, I need to move forward. Note to self: KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

There, I feel better already.

UPDATE ON TIME MANAGEMENT

I have outlined previously a plan that would allow me to better manage my time. However at the moment it is of little use because the needs of my primary job have shifted. Right now I am more focused on community visits, so I am not spending as much time at the office. Which goes to show that adaptability is one of the most important component of any well laid plan.

I will not delude myself with any thoughts of how adjusting to the plan is going to be easy. But I will keep reminding myself -- which seems to work well with my weight training -- that this is a choice for life. It is a choice of either moving forward or getting left behind.

PLANNING A LIFE II

Today is the start of a new day. The adoption of a new mind set, the changing of an old paradigm.

The basis of this change is the recognition that my current approach to managing my time is ineffective and inefficient. Too much valuable time is being wasted and that better utilization could only benefit me.

I have broken my regular work hours down into different segments. A large portion of it is dedicated to my job but I have also allowed time for my personal projects. I plan to do most of the intense stuff during the morning hours – while my energy is high -- whilst maintenance and follow up will be relegated to the afternoons.

Periodically reviews against achievement of set goals should allow me to assess and adjust the schedule.

What I have to realize and re-enforce within myself all the time, is that this decision is for life. I must adhere to it if I am to achieve my goals. This is “I” acting on life and not vice versa. Carpe diem!

PLANNING A LIFE I

I've been thinking that I need to review where I am in life, decide where I want to go and figure out how I am going to get there. I know that where I am now, is not where I want to be in the next 5-10 years.

I am an unmarried professional with a reasonable paying job -- at least in local terms. Nevertheless it is not the type of job that I want to make my life career. There are also financial burdens that I want to do without.

Where I want to be is simple enough. I want to be financially independent, secure and able to work on things that I like doing, particularly my writing.

The getting there is the tricky part. At the minimum, I believe that I would have to double or triple my income within the next 2-3 years.

I plan to do that by creating and cultivating several microprojects that might in time grow into lucrative businesses. Not exactly the fastest way of getting rich. But maybe abit of faith and hard work will be all I'll need. It would be imperative that these projects be launched periodically -- at the moment I thinking 6-12 months between each venture. It will be important that I stay focused and flexible on each venture. I need to develop a start and exit strategy. My main rule in starting a business: Minimal startup cash, large growth and return potential.

But before I get too caught up with starting businesses, I need to come up with a plan to best manage my time.

What does one write when he feels nothing?

THE ILLOGIC OF IT ALL

I recently visited a bulletin board where this guy or girl was saying that Muslims were bad because they've murdered more people in the name of God then Christians.
That got my goat. I posted a reply which noted that writer was a hypocrite with a hidden agenda and demanded that he show proof of his statement. Failing to do would prove him or her a liar.
It struck me later that I could be fighting a lost cause. If people believe such outrageous logic then what I can I do? Should I even bother? I mean what is the point of arguing with a crazy man?

Perhaps the world is divide into two camps, rational v. Irrational. Therefore, given the above situation, the importance maybe in giving people choice of views rather then proving opposing view wrong.

YELLOW PERIL, GREEN ENVY

It is interesting to learn that China has amassed $403 billion in foreign reserves. That country is now in a spending mode. But spending with a purpose. Apparently China is buying companies that support its own economic agenda. Some of the companies being acquired by China bring needed technology and skills. The Chinese policy of "Peaceful Emergence" (which holds that its rise will lift other boats) is a flash of public relations ingenuity. It seeks to alleviate any fears that the developing world might have with regards to her increasing power. At the same time, the developed world is so enamored with China's potential as huge market, that perhaps they are not as wary. But then why should they? They might believe that once China has achieved "development"; she will become one of the gang and the rest of us can eat cake.

What are some of the things to learn from China? One shouldn't buy anything for vanity but instead on how it enhances the function of the whole. Learn, adapt and do better. Seek entry into your own market first.

MEDITATION ON MONEY

I recently read an article about "Foreign Exchange Market". This is where foreign exchange is bought and sold based on assumptions by "punters" (what else would you call them) that their relative value would either rise or fall within a given time period. Money is earned from the resulting difference. Apparently it is one of the most lucrative markets out there. It was also interesting to read that the foreign exchange market or forex is 30 times bigger than the stock market -- we're talking trillions of dollars. The return on your investment can be very high and the risk just as high. In the same article it noted U.S. Treasury Secretary, Al Greenspan as saying that the best way to make money off the forex, is still to flip a coin. I tend to agree with him. But still I wouldn't mind learning more about it. A managed approach would be appropriate. Site reference www.forex.com